Life is full of challenges and obstacles. Life isn’t just challenges and obstacles, but sometimes it can feel that way. When others find themselves in a tough situation, we are likely to meet them with kindness, understanding, and compassion. This doesn’t mean that they didn’t make a mistake or that they couldn’t have made better choices. But, we see people for more than just their personal flaws, shortcomings and errors. We see them as human.
Self-compassion is treating ourselves with the same kindness, respect and love that we treat others. We are all human, which means that none of us are perfect. We all have flaws. We all make mistakes. And so, we are not alone in our suffering, in our feelings of inadequacy, nor in our frustration towards ourselves.
Self-compassion doesn’t mean letting ourselves “off the hook”, or accepting mediocrity. Self-compassion means recognizing that we will make mistakes, that we are imperfect, AND we still deserve love. We do our best every single day. What our best is will vary, but it is our best. And, so, we can take our mistakes, our shortcomings and our failures as an opportunity to learn, to grow, and to choose differently next time.
Being extra hard on ourselves, putting ourselves down, or being unkind to ourselves ends up getting in the way of that growth. What we need is love and understanding–not added pressure, unkindness, and bullying.
We can try this one strategy: When we’re having a hard time, we can think about what we would say to someone we love and care about, and say it to ourselves instead. Yes, actually say it. Use the words. For example, we may say “I know you’re frustrated that you spilled the coffee all over the floor, but it’s okay. You can get more coffee, no one got hurt, and everybody makes mistakes. You’re allowed to be frustrated. I’m here for you”. In that moment, you can also try to give yourself a hug or a rub on the arm–an expression of affection and care.